2010 NFL Predictions

With the new season of pro football imminent, many pros and amateurs are making predictions, with most relying on standard "Who will make the playoffs?" formulas. These formulas are fools' errands. A more honest, and more accurate, Nostradamus focuses on individual thoughts, both shallow and deep.


-The NFL has become America's national game through superior marketing. In 2010, marketing synergy has reached heights that none would dare to think of.


Think of a hypothetical AFC rematch from last year's Wild Card Weekend. Last year, the Bengals and Jets represented the communities of Cincinnati and the New York tri-state area. This year, that matchup pits VH1 against HBO.


-America has become a nation in which the rich get richer and the middle class is evaporating. Many are wondering how they can even the playing field and gete rich quick. Fear not, "real" America! If you see the false prophets in your midst, you can leverage that knowledge into success.


This year's "Goldline"-level false prophets are HBO's own New York Jets. A team that was 7-7 with two weeks to play last year happened upon a team that laid down like a porn star, a wounded duck franchise whose top receiver passed away midseason, and a perennial choke artist franchise before getting shredded in the AFC Championship Game. In response, the Jets signed every convict and retiree in sight before painting a giant target on their backs and signing with HBO.


If you want to get rich, do the following: bet your mortgage on the Jets missing the playoffs.


-That is not to say that the Miami Dolphins will take the Jets' place in the AFC wild card chase. The Dolphins signed tempermental stud Brandon Marshall and looked poised to make a leap to playoff status, but two things should be noted about the potential Chad Henne-to-Marshall connection.


First, almost no premier wide receiver who has been traded to a new team succeeded with that team. Fans fondly remember Cris Carter's renaissance with the Minnesota Vikings and Jerry Rice's success with the Oakland Raiders, but both receivers signed as free agents - they were not traded. Second, Henne is not, nor will be, a franchise NFL quarterback. There are about 13 franchise QBs in the NFL currently; the Dolphins do not have one of those baker's dozen.



-Terrell Owens may not be washed up; Chad Johnson may also not be past his prime. Their quarterback, Carson Palmer, is, and that spells trouble for the Bengals.


-Joe Flacco is a pretty decent quarterback, and the Baltimore Ravens may well win the AFC North this season, but widespread preseason predictions of Raven dominance are unfounded. The Ravens defense, long their strong suit, is hobbled by injury and contract issues, and Flacco is, at best, near the bottom of that baker's dozen of elite QBs.


If the Ravens want to be a permanent fixture atop the AFC, they need to coopt a sorority and send those coeds Big Ben's way.


-The Houston Texans are the Brooklyn Dodgers of 21st century football: "They looked real good in parts, but wait til next year!" For all of their offensive fireworks, next year may never come for the Texans, and this year will not see them supplant the Peyton Mannings in the AFC South.


-The real threat to the Manning franchise does involve the fleet feet of a Texas legend. Once Vince Young was installed as the starting QB, the Titans posted a white-hot 8-2 record to bring respectability to a franchise that had lost its first six games. With Chris Johnson setting records on the ground, a full season of Young will lead to an impressive Titans season - and contention in the playoff race.


-With the exodus of Donovan McNabb from Philadelphia, expect Jeremy Maclin to put up more impressive numbers than last year's most exciting phenom, DeSean Jackson. Jackson accumulated his stats through a number of big plays, almost all of which relied on McNabb's superior ability to throw the deep ball. While Kolb has that ability, he will be more comfortable throwing short and intermediate passes, where MacLln will pick up the slack.


-Kolb, though, will be the only NFC East quarterback who can sleep peacefully at night. With either aging or perpetually ineffective offensive lines in front of them, Tony Romo, McNabb, and Eli Manning will be running for their lives.


-Besides those three QBs, one man who will be running quite a bit this season will be Adrian Peterson. Last season saw the Brett Favre Extravaganza place Peterson on the back burner, but with Favre's ankle injury, the unfortunate situations of Percy Harvin and Sidney Rice, and the departure of competing running back Chester Taylor, Peterson will shoulder the majority of the Vikings' offensive hopes.


-With that said, Brett Favre and the Vikings (a 1960s British Invasion band name if I've ever heard one) will not win their division and compete for a #1 seed. Favre has been surpassed by his successor in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers, and those Packers will once again reign in the NFC North.


-The Packers will not be Favre's only issue: the most improved team in the NFL will be the perpetual laughingstock known as the Detroit Lions. With a dominant defensive line and a legit blue chipper in Matt Stafford, the Lions will raise hell in the North and compete for a playoff spot.


-The only bright spot in the NFC West, besides Mike Singletary's locker room speeches, will be St. Louis Rams' rookie QB Sam Bradford. With a suspect offensive line, the Oklahoman will be whipped like a government mule, but his skill and toughness will shine through.